9,308 Days: Entry 7

6/30/26 - 2 months later

Dear God,

I'm back.

I'm starting to realize that healing doesn't come with a deadline. I thought I was doing better, and maybe in some ways I am. But this past week has been hard. I'm tired. I'm drained. If I could, I'd book another trip to Puerto Rico right now.

Grief is a strange companion. It comes quietly until it suddenly reminds you it's still there. I miss my father more than words can hold. All I have left are memories, and some days they feel like both a gift and a weight. It's probably been a few weeks since I allowed myself to sit with that truth, to really let myself miss him.

But God, You have a way of speaking when I least expect it. One of my youth asked what to do when they feel distant from You. I answered them, but I didn't realize You were asking me the same question.

Distant.

That is the only word I have for these past few weeks. Distant from my family. Distant from my friends. Distant from my responsibilities. Distant from my emotions. Distant from life. Even distant from You. As I've sat with that word, something became clear. Grief wasn't what I was running from. I was running from the possibility that life could still hold something good. Somewhere along the way, I stopped believing I deserved it. I stopped believing that joy was still meant for me. I stopped believing that life could still be beautiful. And maybe, without even noticing, I stopped believing just how deep and good Your grace really is.

So maybe healing isn't about pretending the grief is gone. Maybe it's about letting You meet me here, in the middle of it. Because somehow, You still make room for my lament and my grief. You don't question my tears or turn me away. Instead, You continue to welcome me with open arms.

God, Your love, Your patience, and Your grace are more than I could ever comprehend. They are the only reason I'm still standing today. Help me, Lord, not to run away when life feels heavy, but to keep standing firm. Meet me here, in the middle of my healing. Remind me that I don't have to have it all together for You to love me. Teach me to trust You even when my heart is weary, knowing that Your grace will always be enough.

I know You created me to be strong. Even with tears in my eyes, I have made the decision to keep moving forward. There is no other option but forward. You didn't bring me this far to leave me here. Even when I cannot see what lies ahead, I choose to trust that You are already there. I believe that better days are coming, not because life will be perfect, but because You will continue to walk with me through every season.

Still here. Still trusting. Still healing.

Your daughter,

Melissa