4/28/26 - grateful Dear God, Tonight, I didn’t have to pretend. My smile came naturally, and my laughter was real. Something I’ve been searching for found its way back to me: joy. I caught myself in the middle of it and paused, just to take it in. For those moments, I wasn’t thinking about the pain, the memories, the anger, or the frustration. Life felt light again. When I realized what I was feeling, I almost started to cry. It reminded me that You are still restoring me, ev

3/20/26 - lol its been awhile. Dear God, Can I be honest with You? I feel like I’m at my limit. I don’t know how much more I can take. It feels like it’s one thing after another, and I’m trying to stay strong through it all. I know one thing I carry from my father is the ability to keep moving forward even while bleeding. He taught me to keep going no matter what, and I’ve held onto that. But the truth is, trying to stand strong while everything feels like it’s falling apart

3/4/26 - Ready for bed. Dear God, The house visits are slowly stopping now. The questions of “how are you really doing?” have grown quieter. I can almost feel the unspoken thought in the room sometimes, that I should be doing a lot better by now. There are moments in the middle of normal conversations where I feel like I might fall apart, like the weight of everything might suddenly spill out. But I hold it in because I know people don’t always know what to do with that kind

2/4/26 - At home, again. Dear God, We are only a couple of weeks in, and the strength I felt before feels like it is disappearing. I find myself more irritated and easily annoyed. I try to find the strength to keep going, but honestly, being in bed in a dark room feels more comforting. I have never experienced depression before. I guess never say never, right. I did not even realize I was dealing with depression until someone mentioned it. That was when I could finally pinpoi