The Journey Continues.

There’s no way God is with me. I have messed up big time. I failed Him again. Maybe I should give up completely this time because I can’t get it right. These were the words that would replay in my mind over and over. I could literally see myself believing there was a place I could hide from God. I was believing the lies that God could not find me in the deep hole I dug up for myself. How could I continue to walk this journey with the weight of sin, shame, and condemnation on me? At that moment, I was trying to find another place to bring satisfaction for the wrongful things I had done. Since the things that once used to convict me became what I most desired. I would describe the moment like David did “making my bed in hell”. It was a dark moment. However, if we continue reading this chapter, it says in Psalms 138:8 “If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.“ News flash! God was present the whole time. We can think that in dark moments God cannot be where darkness is for He is light. But David receives the revelation and says in Psalms 139:12,  “Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You”. God shines so bright that darkness does not exist in His presence. Even when we want to hide in our darkness and be comforted by it, God says I’m still there. You can try so hard to convince yourself that the shame, the sin, and the guilt are the places where you belong. That other things than God Himself can satisfy you and you can pretend that running away from God can be beneficial. I realized when I wanted to give up on God because I wasn’t “good enough” for Him, I was able to say like David did “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?”. I asked myself what can I do without the Lord? What other created thing on this Earth can possibly bring me joy, peace, and the love I need? The darkness that surrounded me could never compare to the light of life Jesus brings to me. John 1:4-5 says, “In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it”. Jesus came to give us life. Not only to provide us with life but to show us that His light overpowers the darkness. This is why in darkness we can feel that sense of hope because Jesus’s light shines through and the darkness can not understand the power of that light. This is why in dark moments there is still life because nothing can shut out the light Jesus brings. To those reading feeling like your light has burned out. You feel like the darkness is too overbearing. I have good news that there is a Light where darkness does not exist for Him. His name is Jesus! God is not scared of the dark place; He drives the darkness out. Do not believe the lie that God can not find you in that darkness. All you have to do is call on Him, then His light comes rushing in and the darkness is no more. Through Jesus, we can continue to walk this journey. It is not because we are self-sufficient, but because we are God-sufficient. He gives us the confidence through His son Jesus to walk out this journey because with Him, there’s no darkness, but only light. And His light will shine on our pathway to eternal glory.